The most wonderful, yet also most challenging thing about being human is being in relationship. Whilst we all in our own way seek greater connection with ‘others’, we are often frustrated and confounded by differences that seem to inhibit or even prevent it.
These are generally differences in perception. For as we each interpret our sensory experience in our own unique way, we develop our own unique set of values, beliefs and attitudes, that form our perception of individual and collective reality.
Where perception is based in a belief of a ‘me’ existing separately and opposed to ‘you’, it produces a perception of ‘me-self’ as a ‘Something’ in a world beyond which is an intangible ‘Nothing’.
Yet behind the scenes, the Singular Source Field, the ‘Everything’ we are fundamentally a unique ‘something’ of, is an unconditional state of non-Attachment. It cannot place conditions on itself because there is nothing outside of it! It cannot judge. It is a state of perfect inclusivity which is why it is truly described as ‘Unconditional Love’.
The ‘Everything’ is ‘analogical’. It is ‘One minded’. Yet Something-Nothing perception is a binary based mind-set that seems to split the Unconditional Love of ‘Everything’ into a Polarity of Love and lack of Love.
The ‘love’ end of the Polarity is the Unconditional Love that as a part of ‘Everything’ is our birthright but which through Something-Nothing perception, seems lost to us. The lack of Love is the fear of the ‘nothing’ beyond the ‘something’ we perceive. It is the sense of disconnection, the uneasy anxiety and pervading sense of ‘Emptiness’ of there being something missing in our lives, that renders our experiences less than fulfilling.
More simply, the ‘love’ end of the Polarity is the Unconditional Love we need because of this Emptiness. The lack of love is the fear based Emptiness that we project outward onto others, to get rid of it! The ‘Love’ and ‘lack of love’ (fear) Polarity, is also a ‘Love-Hate Polarity’. Love represents the love we desire. Hate represents the lack of love we want to avoid.
The Something-Nothing mindset is conditional. We both love and hate our own selves. We can be narcissistic and self destructive in equal measure, because we do not unconditionally accept ourselves. As Something-Nothing perception attributes the ‘cause’ of every experience as separate from its ‘effect’ on us, we seem to have to bargain with each other for Love. The bargaining chip is relief from the lack of love.
Because Something-Nothing perception is conditional and therefore exclusive as opposed to the inclusivity of Unconditional Love, any who fail to keep their up their Love end of the bargain can instantly be attributed Hate. So, relationships based in Something-Nothing perception fall into two categories: there are those we love (fear) to love and those we love to hate (fear). As this can happen time and again within the same relationship, it is the essence of what we call the ‘love-hate relationship’!
A Something-Nothing mindset is ‘self serving’. There can be no real connection or intimacy in relationship based in this mind-set, because our ‘fear to love’, our desire to stay separate countermands our desire for love (connection).
We fear to be truly vulnerable. We fear real connection and intimacy because we fear that others may see in-to-me!
Notwithstanding, the quantum physics of the Everything, Source Field is that it is inherently ‘self sharing’. This is the essence of unconditional connectivity and intimacy.
So, as we are all inseparable aspect of the interconnected self sharing ‘Everything’ we are not here just to be a self serving ‘something’. We are all here to be self sharing in our own unique way. It is our true Destiny to find and express–to share–our own unique expression of Unconditional Love.
We cannot escape relationship. It is an immutable part of life. Every relationship offers enormous contrast in terms of our experience and perceptions of it. The great challenge for all of us is to see this contrast as purely one of an experience that each can grow and expand from.
To become authentically self sharing in relationship is to mindfully follow the impulse of our inner guiding Master Sense. For in every moment this teaches and guides us along the way of transcending our fear to love. Only inner guidance carries the vital inner discernment required to unlock and get the best out of every relationship experience and in so doing explore new levels of connection, harmony and fulfillment. We have only to pay attention!
Developing better relationships starts right NOW. It does not require that we change anyone else. It is not anyone else’s job to make us happy. It is our own job to find a way within all our relationships to make ourselves happy!
It simply involves some inner ‘baby steps’, a little inner contemplation of those relationships we are finding most challenging. The first one to look at is the one we have with our own self. For until I can truly accept and share ‘me’, I cannot connect, accept or receive sharing from ‘you’.
The greatest barrier to relationship is the desire to be right and make another wrong that stems from Love-Fear (Hate) Polarity. Hanging on to old resentments, hoping for restitution or apology that may never happen is a warning sign of Something-Nothing based attachments and expectations. It is stuck energy better spent on just letting the past go, clearing the state and beginning a whole new way and life of relationship, NOW.
For a refresh on how relationship conflict recycles itself, check out my bold piece on the Inner-Outer Critic. Have a question on a particular issue? Email me through my CONTACT page.
Until next time… Happy relating!