Consciously or not, we are all on a path of self discovery. The great paradox is that the natural self we were born into this world as – is the only true self selection available!
The natural self knows how to become itself, just as an apple seed knows how to grown into an apple tree. It just needs the right conditions. To spark our human development, the natural self of a child needs to be loved, acknowledged and supported by early caregivers. Even for those fortunate enough to be born into a supportive environment with loving caregivers, this rarely happens.
No matter how loving our caregivers, our arrival presented them with a completely unique being for which there is no instruction manual. What might work for another child was not what was required for you – a completely unique being. As such, most caregivers are simply not equipped to offer the deep level of acknowledgment of a unique child required for natural self-development.
Moment by moment, we respond to life experience in our own unique way as best we can. The challenges of childhood demand we make choices, develop beliefs and patterns of behaviour that enable us to cope with the challenges of our lives. Yet in almost all, leaves a residual level of lack of self worth that ranges between subtle and dysfunctional.
When we lose traction with the natural self, we go through a process of dissociation from it. We build an alternative false self that we believe will help us survive life’s challenges and received the acknowledgment we never received.
The false self is an illusory self. Its illusions are the beliefs in lack of self worth and associated behaviours. We live a life constantly trying to maintain and expand the worth of the false self.
None of this ever really works out, because there is no one who is, has ever been or who will ever be, who is configured in exactly the same way that you are, physically, emotionally and mentally and with an identical back story. Because the false self is built from trauma and fear, it cannot find deep fulfilment. Life challenges often get even bigger, prompting dysfunctional coping behaviours and addictions.
Because the false self masks the natural self, the potential for a deeply fulfilling life, authentic relationships and freedom of expression diminishes, even evaporates. At some point, the natural self prompts us to awaken and begin walking the path of true self acceptance Sometimes it is through the occurrence of an overwhelming trauma or loss that is beyond the capacity of the false self to handle.
The only path to true self acceptance is to retrace our steps. This is simple but not necessarily easy. It takes a degree of will and perseverance because it requires us to start dismantling the beliefs and behaviours of the false self. Whilst there are countless ways and tools to support the process, it takes as long as it takes…
Yet, the pay back is priceless. The more we let go the defences of the false self, the more the powerful presence and ability to express the gifts and talents of the natural self emerge.
Until next time,
Love and blessings, Andrew Solomon
Recent Comments